Theology

GENEVA — A panel of Bible scholars has issued a joint statement about what the afterlife holds for unbelieving introverts. The international panel of academics has confirmed that instead of Hell, unsaved wallflowers will be sent to an…

TWITTER — After centuries of dispute amongst the greatest theological minds in history, the puzzle of free will and predestination was suddenly solved last night through a debate on Twitter."The thousands of volumes written on the subject…

GARDEN OF EDEN — Fresh off being banished from paradise, Adam and Eve are blaming cancel culture for their sudden expulsion."Cancel culture, am I right?" said Adam as he chewed an apple. "I break one little rule, and BAM! Now everyone's…

Brought to you by: NOTRE DAME, IN—Biblical scholar Dr. Edward Gaddville has put forward an exciting new theory that Jesus slept through a storm while on a fishing boat with His disciples because He was using a MyPillow, which was the most…

DALLAS, TX —A time-traveler from the year 2348 B.C. who called himself Noah was seen getting in a heated argument outside a gay bar at the 'Drag Your Kids To Pride' event. According to sources, he loudly declared he needed to go back in…

Brought to you by: The Bible is God's grand message to mankind. It leads us to Christ and and gives us everything we need to be complete, equipped for every good work. But did you know the people mentioned in its pages were real…

GALILEE—During a recent devotional time, Jesus found himself flummoxed when reading his words in the popular Bible “translation” which renders the text “thought-for-thought” rather than “word-for-word”—“The Message.” “This isn’t…

JERUSALEM—Religious experts have begun voicing concerns that a local carpenter’s disinformation is spreading among Israelites most susceptible to unapproved ideas. “Visit your nearest synagogue for the latest information on how to obey God.…

ARRIVALS GATE, HEAVEN—At a press conference this week, angelic Chief of Staff Gabriel Angelino confirmed that new arrivals into heaven will receive complimentary cheddar bay biscuits, Red-Lobster style, before continuing in to receive their…

HELL—After one of the biggest, most significant victories of his career, Satan the Prince of Darkness released a statement today touting his accomplishment of defeating the Son of God on the cross on Friday afternoon. The statement was…