Theology

WEST OF EDEN—A double-blind study conducted by angel scientists has confirmed that 100% of men would eat any fruit given to them by a naked woman. The study seems to suggest that the fall of Adam and Eve was unavoidable. "Our results…

JERUSALEM—Historians have discovered new evidence that when God provided miraculous bread to feed the Israelites in the wilderness after their exodus from Egypt, Israelite children refused to eat the manna until their moms had carefully…

HEAVEN—The Almighty posted His Wordle score in the heavens once again this morning, racking up his 230th perfect guess in a row. God guessed the word in just one attempt again, a feat mathematicians are calling "a statistical impossibility…

LEAMINGTON, UT—Decades of living a life full of faith in a loving and just God quickly crumbled into oblivion for local Christian, Gavin Smith, after he received the wrong order from the Chick-fil-A drive-thru attendant. “Looking into…

Miracle: God Graciously Allows Earth Full Of Sinful Humans To Complete Another Trip Around The Sun UNIVERSE—In a stunning act of mercy, God has allowed the earth and its population of sinful humans to continue its orbit around the sun. The…

BETHLEHEM—According to sources, the eternal Word of God has become flesh in the form of a newborn baby who was born this morning. Some claim that this child is the human incarnation of the God of the Universe, who has come to reconcile…

Good News: We Will Sing God's Praises For All Eternity. Bad News: The Song Is 'Way Maker' Well, you win some, and you lose some. In good news, Christians, who have been redeemed by God's grace and saved by the sacrifice of Christ on the…

HEAVEN—Christians around the world are thrilled after the Almighty confirmed recent rumors that the trumpet sound played at the return of Christ will be composed by none other than Hans Zimmer. "No one knows the day or the hour of His…

HELL—The Prince of Darkness Grim confirmed today that he doesn't actually like rock and roll music and that he's more into bro-country. The Devil made the statement during a brief break from attempting to orchestrate the demise of…

Wicked To Be Given Choice Between Hell And Standing Around At Some Kid's Birthday Party For All Eternity HELL—In the interest of fairness and freedom of choice, Hell announced today that going forward, the wicked will be given the option of…