Theology

HELL — Sources in Hades have announced that Satan will finally be opening the underworld's first Chick-Fil-A franchise, but it will only serve cauliflower sandwiches."We think this is going to be a fantastic addition to Hell," said veteran…

SHECHEM — A young sheep in Israel was left horrified today after it suddenly dawned on him that he was, in fact, a young male lamb without any spots or blemishes, giving him every indication that his life would end at a very early age."The…

WORLD — Worship leaders worldwide were left stunned today after word began to spread that the Lord now regrets including the command "Sing unto the Lord a new song" in His Word after hearing the new songs Christians are currently…

Hyperbolic evangelical lady-preacher Beth Moore found herself at odds with celebrated theologian and First Great Awakening giant Jonathan Edwards over the weekend and concluded Edwards must be the problem. “For the life of me, I don’t get…

U.S. — Scholars at Notre Dame's Department of Theology have found new evidence that the forbidden fruit described in Genesis was not actually a fruit, but a vial of deadly, highly processed seed oil. "We believe that Satan was tempting Eve…

HENDERSONVILLE, TN — A local man breathed a sigh of relief at the gates of Heaven as he entered the hereafter today, receiving a "Well done" commendation from God Almighty for spending his life arguing with other people in the comments…

U.S. — A shocking report has revealed that there are still people clinging to atheism in spite of the well-documented existence of breakfast burritos."How could a rational being possibly deny the existence of a loving God after taking a…

JERUSALEM — A group of young men who had just finished burying Ananias, a man stricken dead for lying to the Holy Spirit, became frustrated when they discovered they also had to bury his wife Sapphira. The men had reportedly just gotten out…

JERUSALEM — A popular YouTuber died suddenly on Monday while filming an unboxing video of the famed Ark of the Covenant. The sacred Jewish artifact, which had recently been discovered by archeologists in a cave outside Jerusalem, had been…

JUDAH — Zephaniah, described by authorities as a "minor prophet" is tired of being asked by his overbearing parents when he'll become a major prophet, sources say."Sweetie, are you gonna be a minor prophet your whole life?" said his mother.…