thesuperbowl

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN reportedly encouraged their readers to debate a new list the site published Wednesday, declaring that the Baltimore Ravens topped their way-too-late 2012 NFL Power Rankings. “Sure, in 2023 it might seem way overdue to be…

Thieves stole the catalytic converter from the iconic Oscar Mayer Wienermobile while it was parked overnight during a promotional visit for the Super Bowl in Las Vegas last week. What do you think?“So that’s what hot dogs are made of.”Max…

NEW YORK—Promoting the car manufacturer as the only way out of this hellhole, Sunday night’s top Super Bowl ad featured Paul Rudd urging Americans to get a Chevrolet pickup and drive it far away from their grim and dying nation. “Hop in the…

NEW YORK—Touting the new competition as perfect for anyone who wanted to continue placing bets after the NFL season ended, FanDuel unveiled a new “Double Play” contest Monday, offering users a chance to win back their house. “You may have…

GLENDALE, AZ—A report published immediately following the Kansas City Chiefs’ win over the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LVII confirmed this was the last time a Chiefs Super Bowl victory would be enjoyable. “While even casual football…

GLENDALE, AZ—When asked how he felt about the hotly anticipated Super Bowl LVII, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Sunday that he was just hoping for a competitive game where no one died on field, mentioned the league’s record…

PHOENIX—Knocking furiously on Roger Goodell’s hotel room door to ask if the NFL commissioner had changed his mind, brothers Jason and Travis Kelce were overheard Sunday begging the league to let them play on the same team for the Super…

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being acquainted with a die-hard Philadelphia Eagles fan, then you know that it is highly inadvisable to say any of the following things.Advertisement2 / 20“Stop, you’re destroying my store!”List…

While it’s best to avoid engaging with them at all, if you must talk to someone who is a member of “Chiefs Nation,” here are things you should never say.Advertisement2 / 20“How’d they manage to become as despised as the Patriots so…

Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the team that will come away with victory in Super Bowl LVII.AdvertisementPredictionList slidesPredictionCheck back in two weeks: Our pet gerbil who correctly predicts the outcome of the Super Bowl…