Tim Hortons

VANCOUVER, BC – Canadians are in for a treat this week with the return of two beloved national pastimes: Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim contest – and also worrying about the devastating outcome of a looming nuclear holocaust. “It’s about…

LEDUC – As part of ongoing pandemic response measures, national coffee chain Tim Hortons has confirmed that employees will not be allowed to spit into the Iced Capp machine until they’ve had two doses of an approved Covid vaccine. “We…

TORONTO – The national coffee chain Tim Hortons ended decades of academic and political turmoil this past weekend when it declared that Canada is just one or two more flavoured Iced Capps away from having a definitive cultural identity as a…

OTTAWA – In the wake of changing his position on abortion, guns and the carbon tax, Erin O’Toole has also announced that he no longer plans to sell corporate naming rights to all of Canada’s national parks, a plan he had never…

OTTAWA – After encountering difficulties with early vaccine rollouts, the Government of Canada has announced that it plans to distribute all remaining vaccines through a Tim Hortons “Roll Up the Rim to Win” contest. “Originally, we…

TORONTO – Tim Hortons and the Ontario government have signed a sponsorship deal to promote the chain’s egg sandwich and other items at provincial press conference related to the pandemic. Premier Doug Ford signed the deal after receiving a…