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WASHINGTON—In the wake of what was widely viewed as a disastrous debate performance, eye contact-avoiding members of the Biden administration still haven’t said a word to each other since last night, sources confirmed Friday. According to…

Former President Donald Trump and current President Biden squared off for the first presidential debate of 2024 on CNN. The Onion’s fact checkers diligently combed through 90 minutes of pure slop to categorize the candidate’s statements as…

ATLANTA—Stressing that they wished they had talked about this months ago instead of waiting until now, a relieved Donald Trump and Joe Biden ended the first presidential debate of 2024 Thursday after realizing neither of them really wanted…

Before the first presidential debate of 2024, CNN has released a list of rules and regulations that both candidates must follow. The following are the guidelines that President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump must adhere to…

Former President Donald Trump has yet to announce his running mate for the 2024 election and is reportedly still considering several different candidates. The Onion breaks down exactly what Trump is expecting from his next vice…

President Joe Biden stated that he will not use his power as commander in chief to lessen the sentence of his son Hunter, who was convicted on felony gun charges and faces up to 25 years in prison. What do you think? “He’ll never get…

WASHINGTON—Drawing stunned gasps from onlookers as he donned his signature eye patch and leather jacket, the man once known as President Joe Biden revealed Wednesday that he is, in fact, Delta Force operative Captain Robert Scott, on a…

WASHINGTON—With his approval rating recovering among people likely to vote in the 2024 election, President Joe Biden enjoyed a surge in the polls this week after Americans noticed Netflix had added a few good shows recently. “It appears…

NEW YORK—Seeing the two men’s gazes lock for a split second before one quickly lowered his head, sources confirmed Tuesday that Donald Trump quietly avoided eye contact with Rudy Giuliani on the steps of the courthouse where his disgraced…

PHOENIX—Trying for weeks to deliver a summons on charges of felony election interference to the former Donald Trump attorney, Arizona prosecutors reported Thursday they were still unable to locate Rudy Giuliani despite searching dozens of…