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WASHINGTON—Noting that this was exactly the boost the president needed going into the 2024 election, pollsters confirmed Tuesday that Joe Biden’s approval rating had skyrocketed after he announced he would take the nation to the circus. “As…

Start SlideshowHenry Kissinger, former Secretary of State, national security advisor, and lover of carpet bombing innocent civilians, passed away at the age of 100. The Onion asked Americans how they felt about his death, and this is what…

MURFREESBORO, TN—In an effort to put his mind to rest after seeing the billionaire entrepreneur say sorry for an antisemitic tweet, local nazi Phil Behrens told reporters Thursday that he hoped Elon Musk’s apology was as disingenuous as it…

WASHINGTON—Speaking from the Oval Office, President Joe Biden addressed the nation Wednesday, stating, “Does anyone else ever feel like they’re floating through a dream they can never wake up from?” “As your president and…

MENLO PARK, CA—Saying the platform had been streamlined to better serve its billions of users, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced Tuesday that human trafficking was now allowed on Facebook Marketplace. “Starting today, any user over 18…

WASHINGTON—Deciding it was finally time to call the race in favor of the Republican candidate, a reportedly exhausted President Joe Biden announced Tuesday that he was officially conceding the 2020 election to Donald Trump. “My fellow…

WASHINGTON—Describing himself as a failure in conversations with family, friends, and White House staffers, President Biden reportedly spent his birthday Monday depressed over not having accomplishing anything by the age of 81. “Ugh,…

WASHINGTON—Deciding it was time for her to become more politically active, Vice President Kamala Harris recently logged onto ActBlue to donate $7 to the Biden reelection campaign, sources reported Monday. “This is just my way of doing…

Former President Donald Trump recently called his liberal political opponents “vermin” in a speech delivered on the campaign trail for the 2024 election, using the term in a manner likened to Hitler or Mussolini to dehumanize his rivals.…

Start SlideshowAccording to recent polling for the 2024 election, Donald Trump holds an edge over Joe Biden in five key swing states. The Onion asked voters how they felt about Trump’s lead, and this is what they said.AdvertisementPrevious…