toaster

AUSTIN, TX—Noting that all great innovators must fail in order to succeed, sources confirmed Tuesday that Elon Musk was rushed to the hospital after attempting to impregnate a toaster. The 52-year-old billionaire, who founded Tesla, SpaceX,…

SPRINGDALE, UT—Claiming the overly trusting elderly woman was being taken advantage of more and more, family sources told reporters Monday that grandmother Gladys Murphy had been scammed by every piece of technology in her house. “I don’t…