Toronto

TORONTO – As the Maple Leafs take to the ice to begin their season, MLSE PR have announced a number of pre-game festivities, including the usual apology for the catastrophic failure that was last season. “Tonight’s home opener will include…

TORONTO – After the Blue Jays were eliminated from playoff contention in dramatic fashion due to the Yankees and Red Sox both coming back to win their games yesterday, experts agree that Toronto fans are now in the absolute ideal mental…

TORONTO – After many months of growing his hair out, Toronto mayor John Tory has finally gotten his hair trimmed after painstaking measures to ensure that the newly shorn locks will not be used by unhoused citizens to keep warm. “It’s taken…

TORONTO – Summer is in full swing, and as is customary, multiple locals have set out to try and acquire the rarest of rare humans- a white friend with a cottage who also likes food to be adequately seasoned. Abdul, who grew up in Tanzania,…

See More: Pixar, Ryerson, Toronto Beaverton

TORONTO – Under fire for sending in hundreds of armed police and private security to evict 25 unhoused people from an encampment in Trinity Bellwoods Park, mayor John Tory defended his actions by pointing out that Toronto and it’s public…

TORONTO – Toronto Police have reported that their horseback division is essential for stopping any and all train robberies. “When I’m on my noble steed, Paul Gross’ Passchendaele – Passy for short – bandits better beware“, declared Sgt.…

Vaccines are hard to come by in Ontario. However, some neighbourhoods have the privilege of getting vaccinations before others purely based on factors I refuse to take time to read about. Lucky for me, my area code is every area code in…

TORONTO – After weeks of clearing unhoused individuals from Toronto parks in the middle of a Pandemic, Toronto Police finally left the residents outside Lamport Stadium alone after they said they were actually just a big, permanent…

TORONTO – After decades of research, local historian Dr. Suraj Burnman has conclusively reported that Casa Loma is just some rich guy’s house. “The way people from Toronto talk about it, you’d think it was the Palace of Versailles,” began…