Toronto

TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has concluded that people driving on the 401 near Toronto choosing between the Express and Collectors lanes choose the slower option every single time. “It’s a 50-50 chance of choosing the…

TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” should catch up. “We have to get together…

TORONTO – Rogers Family board member John Tory has been allowed to continue his night job as mayor of the city of Toronto. “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to serve the people of Toronto,” said Tory at a press conference next to an…

VANCOUVER – Local actor Marcus Barrow has made the decision to leave Vancouver and move to L.A. in order to better enhance his career opportunities and secure roles on the numerous film and tv shows that shoot in Vancouver. “I love living…

TORONTO – Unsubstantiated reports have begun to circulate throughout the metro area that some kind of municipal election may be taking place, quite possibly right under residents’ noses. “I keep hearing weird rumours,” explained Parkdale…

TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays get ready to host the Seattle Mariners in the MLB Playoffs this weekend, the approximately 33 million Canadians who don’t live in Toronto are getting ready to put aside their prejudices and root for the…

TORONTO – Running for re-election Mayor John Tory has promised voters that, with just one more term, he can complete his mission to make Toronto just as terrible to live in as it is cripplingly expensive. “Any mayor could have continued the…

Belleville(ish), ON – The Via Train from Toronto to Montreal that has been stopped somewhere around Belleville for the last twenty minutes has started going backwards and everyone on board is a little bit perplexed. “Well this probably…

TORONTO – With Nuit Blanche expected to return for the first time since the pandemic, a local group of buddies is excited to spend the whole event unsuccessfully trying to meet up. “It’s going to be great. I hear there are going to be some…

TORONTO – Alberta’s provincial government has launched a full court press to convince Ontarians sick and tired of dealing with all the Province’s problems to move to Alberta so they can deal with its different though equally as numerous…