tuesday

TROY, MI—Infiltrating her mind, body, and spirit, dark, mysterious forces reportedly compelled local woman Celina Carini to work out Tuesday to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack. Extremely disturbed sources confirmed that chills ran down…

LONG ISLAND, NY—Decrying the stigma the film attached to a once-beloved species of fish, experts at the Coastal Research and Education Society released a report Tuesday blaming the 1975 blockbuster Jaws for transforming the public’s…

WASHINGTON—Realizing there were only hours left before the big moment, the U.S. populace reportedly kicked into overdrive Tuesday as it frantically prepared for romantic ejaculation. “Hurry up! Light the candles, arrange the flowers—it’s…