U.S.

WASHINGTON DC — In a move that has shocked employees around the world, Joe Biden announced today that he would be stepping out of the presidential race, making it the first time in recorded history that an ageing boomer has ever retired in…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With many puzzling questions still remaining unanswered in the wake of the attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump at a Pennsylvania campaign rally last week, the United States Secret Service announced…

WASHINGTON DC – Following an announcement that he has contracted COVID-19 for a second time, US President Biden has assured worried Democratic lawmakers that this diagnosis will not impede his previous strategy of losing the November…

DES MOINES, IA — Sources within the Secret Service recently confirmed that the nation's finest agents were unable to foil a devious assassin after the cold-hearted assailant climbed up onto a slightly sloped roof near a political rally.…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a heartfelt address to the American people today, Director of the Secret Service Kimberly Cheatle assured the nation that she wasn't trying to get Trump assassinated, stating instead that she's just very highly…

WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Joe Biden’s debate performance and Donald Trump surviving an assassination attempt, a report from the University of Toronto political sciences department recommends you start getting ready for 4 years of…

U.S. — Former President has been indicted by a federal judge in Pennsylvania for inciting an assassination attempt that nearly killed him."Trump is clearly at fault for someone attempting to murder him with a rifle," said Judge Paul…

U.S. — Secret Service has reported that former President Donald Trump sustained only minor injuries in an assassination attempt, leaving the number of dead Presidential candidates at one."We can now confirm there is only one dead…

CHICAGO, IL — In response to the shooting deaths of over 100 Chicago residents over the weekend, Mayor Brandon Johnson blamed the killings on the Chinese monks who invented gunpowder in the late 9th century."Those dastardly Chinese monks!"…

SULPHUR, OK — Studies show commercially available incendiaries purchased at roadside shacks run by old toothless men are probably fine and won't blow up in your face or anything.A recent survey of roadside fireworks stands shows the…