U.S.

U.S. — Secret Service has reported that former President Donald Trump sustained only minor injuries in an assassination attempt, leaving the number of dead Presidential candidates at one."We can now confirm there is only one dead…

CHICAGO, IL — In response to the shooting deaths of over 100 Chicago residents over the weekend, Mayor Brandon Johnson blamed the killings on the Chinese monks who invented gunpowder in the late 9th century."Those dastardly Chinese monks!"…

SULPHUR, OK — Studies show commercially available incendiaries purchased at roadside shacks run by old toothless men are probably fine and won't blow up in your face or anything.A recent survey of roadside fireworks stands shows the…

“UNITED” STATES OF AMERICA – To the surprise of international observers, millions of Americans chose to celebrate the anniversary of their declaration of independence today, despite the fact that this decision has clearly not worked out.…

So, we've had a bad run lately. In spite of it all, after 248 years of America being the greatest nation on the planet, we're still number one. Sure, some around the world are beginning to wonder if America lost its touch. No, by Paul…

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a 6-3 ruling, the United States Supreme Court ruled that former President Donald Trump not only has full immunity from prosecution for any gun murders he might commit, but that he definitely should do so. In a majority…

U.S. — Researchers reported this week that they are now over 60% confident Ohio exists."We've looked into it, and we're now pretty sure," said Dr. Frank Paulson, the lead researcher of the federally funded study. "I mean, as sure as you can…

LOS ANGELES, CA — With the opening of a new opulent high-rise for the city's transient population, a California dad took a moment to warn his son that if he doesn't study hard, he'll end up homeless with a free luxury room and vodka…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Merrick Garland announced Thursday that the DOJ has opened a brand new tipline that criminals could call to report on whistleblowers."We will not be intimidated," Garland said during his announcement. "We…

Juneteenth is a beautiful celebration of the end of slavery in the United States — but what is the best way for the melanin-challenged among us to show that you're hip to the cause?Fortunately for you caucasians out there, we at the Babylon…