U.S.

SEATTLE, WA — Local man Harry Bonds had chopped his balls off and changed his name to "Maxxine" to avoid the draft, only to find out that women will now be drafted and all his efforts were for naught."Boy, do I feel silly," said Bonds after…

BEVERLY HILLS, CA — A bottle of 18-year-old single-malt Baja Blast sold for a record-breaking $145,000 Wednesday at Christie's auction house. The rare find attracted everyone from celebrities to wealthy oil barons who battled on the auction…

DENVER, CO — In a stunning ruling just before the end of the day that veered away from any legal precedent, the Colorado Supreme Court overturned the criminal conviction handed down to Hunter Biden just this morning.The court unanimously…

SPOKANE, WA — Following the recent flagrant desecrations of Pride murals around the country, the government has come up with a simple, yet effective solution: a nationwide ban on all cars.Legislators and supporters claim that the new…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar has called for a National Day of Mourning in light of the news that four Israeli hostages were rescued this morning. "I am deeply grieved by the tragic rescue of four of our hostages this…

So, you've decided to join all the cool New Yorkers who are moving to Florida? Congratulations! It'll be just like snowbirding, except it'll last forever! Unfortunately, it's been said that New Yorkers often experience a significant culture…

WILMINGTON, DE — As the prosecution in the Hunter Biden trial rests its case, several reports from within the courtroom indicate that the defendant Hunter Biden has just asked the judge if this might be a good time for him to just kinda…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After being ordered to report for incarceration on July 1 following a failed attempt to remain free during the appeal process, former Trump White House advisor Steve Bannon admitted that he was looking forward to a hot…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As American families continued to struggle to make ends meet amid record inflation, the White House claimed that your inability to afford groceries was actually misinformation.The Biden administration made the startling…

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Distraught and horrified by what it witnessed during its brief time awakened from a long sleep, a 17-year cicada decided to return to hibernation after it emerged from the ground beneath a Pride parade.The cicada had…