U.S.

HAMILTON, ON — With Premier Doug Ford ordering Ontario LCBOs to stop selling US alcohol due to President Trump’s tariffs, accountant Marianne Thompson has expressed frustration that she won’t be able to use that alcohol to drown her sorrows…

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With US President Donald Trump declaring 25% tariffs on most Canadian goods, American citizens have officially chosen the most circuitous and economically painful method possible to investigate what everyday goods…

In honor of Black History Month, the Democratic Party has announced the authoritative list of its top ten black heroes. Here are the ten incredible individuals chosen by Democrats as the ultimate paragons of black history:Justin Trudeau:…

WILMINGTON, DE — President Donald Trump announced this morning that he has officially replaced the entire federal workforce with one single teenage Chick-Fil-A employee.In a move expected to drastically improve the efficiency of government…

With reports rolling in of widespread panic among the illegal immigrant population of the United States, foreign-born people across the country are looking for ways to avoid being apprehended and deported.The Babylon Bee is here to provide…

WINDSOR, ON – With president Donald Trump threatening to impose blanket 25% tariffs on all goods crossing into the United States, Canadian citizens are hurrying to stockpile illegal American handguns before prices skyrocket. “I’m stocking…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation breathed a sigh of collective relief today as Trump announced that any immigrant working a taco truck would be spared from deportation.Regardless of immigration status, any migrant found to be actively engaged…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Newly minted Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth celebrated his confirmation by performing an absolutely sick keg stand.After a contentious confirmation process replete with accusations of drinking on the job, Hegseth…

CASPER, WY — Amid the uproar over people accusing Elon Musk of giving a Nazi sign following Donald Trump's inauguration, journalists were able to track down the one person who has never once done a Hitler salute in his life.Norm Armstrong…

EL PASO, TX — As part of a genius plot to avoid President Trump's deportation efforts, a local immigrant has avoided murdering, stealing, or entering the country illegally.Sources reported Trump was outraged to learn about the immigrant…