U.S.

LONG BEACH, CA — In an immediate sign that Governor Gavin Newsom's crackdown on memes is taking effect, the Long Beach Police Department announced that a special tactical unit executed a raid of a private residence today and seized over…

AUSTIN, TX — Following the aggressive action taken by California against humor, satire, and online memes, Governor Greg Abbott signed an executive order to declare Texas a sanctuary state for memers.The news came as a tremendous relief to…

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — As the investigation into the second assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump continued, the Federal Bureau of Investigation said we may never know the motivation of the would-be assassin who was a…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Capitol Police responded to an urgent call amid reports of a loud disturbance in the congressional offices today. Michigan Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib was later reportedly uninjured after her pager mysteriously…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Merrick Garland has just issued an ultimatum to racists around the country, warning that if anyone insults migrants again, he'll be forced to unveil the big guns and call in another bomb threat. According to DOJ sources,…

SPRINGFIELD, OH — A Chinese food buffet was forced to close Monday after Haitian immigrants completely decimated the local Chinese food supply."This business has been in my family for many years, said Duke Wong, owner of Happy China Yum Yum…

Life as an apartment tenant can sometimes be full of various uncertainties and questions. "Will they raise my rent next year?" "Why is someone always taking my parking space?" "Are my neighbors actually a heavily armed Venezuelan street…

REHOBOTH, DE — President Biden briefly got up from his beach chair this morning to build a little sandcastle in honor of the American hostage brutally executed by Hamas after almost a year in captivity."I did everything I could while…

Just because people can vote doesn't mean they should vote, and frankly there are a lot of clowns out there who don't belong within a hundred yards of a ballot box. Here are the 9 things that ought to immediately disqualify a person from…

SPACE — As the saga of the two astronauts stuck aboard the International Space Station continued, a new study showed that 9 out of 10 astronauts surveyed said they would rather be stranded in space than board a craft built by…