Uber

CHICAGO—Suggesting the venue could provide the friendship and intimacy the man had lacked for so long, a report released Thursday found that going to a strip club might be exactly what isolated 33-year-old Luke Walters needs. “When you…

Coach USA, which owns Megabus lines connecting New York and New Jersey, filed for bankruptcy following a decline in ridership, with the company owing creditors between $100 and $500 million. What do you think?“Did they just squander the $3…

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LAS VEGAS—Panicked about their entire team potentially missing kickoff at the Super Bowl, the Kansas City Chiefs reportedly had to walk six miles to the game Sunday after their bus driver refused to pay $125 for stadium parking. “I mean, I…

“For decades, national agricultural policies have subsidized grain for meat and poultry feed, artificially lowering the cost per calorie of meat products. This, coupled with the loss of manufacturing jobs and the increased cost of living,…

MANCHESTER, NH—Taking a quick headcount before they left to attend a town hall with the White House hopeful, all of presidential candidate Nikki Haley’s supporters reported they were delighted Monday to fit into a single UberXL. “Oh,…

In a controversial opinion piece penned for The New York Times, acclaimed film director Martin Scorcese argued that Marvel movies cannot be classified as cinema. The Onion asked fans of the action movie franchise what they thought of…

A man in Nebraska was pulled over for driving down a highway in a compact car with a massive Watusi bull named Howdy Doody sitting in the passenger seat. What do you think?“I’m glad Howdy Doody was responsible and called a designated…

SAN FRANCISCO—Announcing more than $30 million in funding toward the project, San Francisco mayor London Breed reportedly rolled out a new initiative Friday to provide affordable housing to electric scooters. “It’s far past time we got…

MILWAUKEE—Analyzing the behavior on display during Wednesday night’s Republican presidential debate, a body language expert explained that the eight candidates who participated in the event had all just finished having sex with each other…