universe

LOS ANGELES—With space and time ceasing to exist amid the actor’s cries of “Too old! Too old! They’re all too old,” Leonardo DiCaprio reportedly tore apart the fabric of the universe Friday when he attempted to have sex with a girl who had…

TAOS, NM—Watching the odd phenomenon form on the horizon, local man Charles Roche told reporters Tuesday that hopefully the mushroom cloud was nothing major. “Looks a bit ominous I suppose, but it probably doesn’t pose any kind of big…

MILKY WAY – In a rare interview, God made a statement about how excited they were about the pockets in their universe. They then did a cute little twirl to show off said pockets, sending a few planets off their orbit in the process. “Aren’t…

American physicists recently discovered that a tiny subatomic particle called a muon does not conform to the laws of physics as currently understood, suggesting the potential discovery of a brand-new form of physics. The Onion looks back at…