urine

AUBURN HILLS, MI—Attributing the defect to a manufacturing error, pet care company Whisker issued a recall Wednesday on thousands of self-cleaning Litter-Robots that had accidentally transported customers’ cats to the year 1300. “We…

NEW YORK—Citing their complete lack of self-awareness and inability to read basic social cues, the nation’s CEOs gathered Monday to announce their plan to be total fucking freaks when you run into them in the bathroom. “Please note that we…

DES MOINES, IA— Hoping to initiate a casual chat with an average citizen during his campaign stop at the Iowa State Fair, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) reportedly said, “Ah,pissing, I love to piss,” this week when attempting to strike up a…

PALM BEACH, FL—Already facing two federal indictments and several major investigations relating to the 2020 election, Jan. 6insurrection, and his finances, former President Trump’s legal woes reportedly continued to mount Thursday after…

CHICAGO—In an effort boost confidence and improve the overall experience for commuters, the Chicago Transit Authority announced plans Tuesday to begin hosing train cars down with fresh piss. “We are proud to introduce a new initiative that…

PITTSBURGH—Grasping at the walls for balance as he made his way to a public restroom, local blackout drunk man Charlie Hull was desperately searching Thursday for a toilet to fall asleep on, according to sources familiar with the situation.…

GENEVA—Promising the fastest and most accurate results in the market, Swiss Precision Diagnostics introduced a new at-home Clearblue test Tuesday that tells users if they’re beautiful. “There’s nothing worse than uncertainty, but with the…

WASHINGTON—Sighing as he hid another pair of soiled pajamas deep in his hamper, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) confirmed Friday that on top of everything else that had been going on, he was also wetting the bed again. “Jesus, this is the…

VANCOUVER – It was last Saturday, a brisk afternoon on Main Street, just North of 5th Avenue. I was the person walking their wiener dog. You were the public urinator. When I saw you there, hunched into the corner of a nearby building, I let…

VANCOUVER, BC – On her commute to work, 30-year-old mother and elementary school teacher, Mya Diaz, sat in a wet seat on her B-Line bus, but reassured herself that the mysterious fluid was likely only human urine. “No biggie,” said Diaz as…