US Trade War

HOLLYWOOD, CA – After accidentally watching the South Korean film Parasite on Air Force One, Donald Trump has signed an executive order placing a 100% tariff on any movie that forces him to read. “Stop showing me that goddamn garbage!”…

OTTAWA – With tensions continuing to ratchet in the face of President Trump’s unilateral trade war, Canadians are openly wondering how they will fare against the notably harmonious, disciplined, and selfless American people. As Prime…

OTTAWA – Following Prime Minister Mark Carney’s successful campaign in the recent federal election, US President Donald Trump is sending him a gift basket filled with the only US export that hasn’t decreased since he took office: children…

CANADA – A somewhat reclusive and middle-aged Canada admitted it is stuck between making new friends or sticking with the one friend they’ve had forever, despite them recently becoming noticeably more conservative. Already facing an…

TORONTO – The cast and crew of the current Toronto production of Come From Away have debuted a new ending where instead of forming lasting bonds of friendship, the people of Gander, Newfoundland wise up and beat the stuffing out of the…

OTTAWA – As Canada works to separate our economy from the increasingly chaotic United States, the Canadian government is also searching for a new country to shamelessly copy for our entire cultural identity “Given that being slightly more…

OTTAWA – With the stock market plunged into chaos by U.S. President Donald Trump’s sweeping tariffs, Canadians have decided to simply wait out America’s forthcoming economic collapse and then buy the nation on the cheap. Canada’s leaders…

WASHINGTON D.C. – Using a fresh browser tab on a secure device, sources confirm that US President Donald Trump has, for the first time in his life, done a google search to find out what the word “Tariff” means. Reports indicate the search…

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that shook global markets and surprised even some supporters, President Donald Trump announced major tariffs on all products made outside the United States, entirely intended as retaliation for the death of…

OTTAWA – With US President Trump ramping up his economic attacks on Canada and Europe, Prime Minister Mark Carney has enacted a top secret plan to mobilize Canada’s most highly-specialized fighting unit: celebrated indie-rock collective…