vagina

REDWOOD CITY, CA—As the woman held her newborn baby for the first time and acknowledged that she wasn’t exactly sure what she was expecting, sources confirmed Monday that it was unclear why local 36-year-old Rose Jeffries thought the thing…

Start SlideshowTake this quiz to see if you have the knowledge and skills required to sexually pleasure a woman. AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideQ: Which of these women deserve to feel pleasure? Q: Which of these women deserve to feel…

Start SlideshowThere is nothing more mysterious and disgusting than the tangled mess of tubes, holes, and pubic hair that makes up the female anatomy. The Onion answers the most common questions that patients are too embarrassed to ask…

America is a nation whose strength has long derived from its diversity. Even in the bedroom, U.S. citizens vary not just in their tastes, but also in what diseases they’ve contracted on what orifices while sleeping with each other. That,…

Porn, in all its hairless, vaguely consensual glory, gives everyday Americans an unrealistic view of how disgusting sexual intercourse really is. While you may think you look like the MILFs, naughty stepsons, or barely legal teens that you…

WASHINGTON—Warning citizens of a rising threat to the nation’s youth, U.S. officials cautioned Tuesday that knife-wielding doctors were roaming the country in search of adolescent children they could force to be trans. “Across America,…

BRISTOL, CT—Remarking how he looked exactly like her late husband when they were in high school, local mother Janet Greene told her son Friday that his dad would be “so proud of him” as she adjusted his condom before prom. “Son, I know it’s…

Start SlideshowSeveral states recently passed laws legalizing genital inspections for trans children who wish to play sports in school. The Onion asked conservatives why they support state-sanctioned genital inspections for minors, and this…

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In an ongoing effort to protect children from sexually explicit scenes, Gov. Ron DeSantis banned births in the state of Florida on Tuesday, citing the need to protect impressionable infants from exposure to vaginas. “No…

Start SlideshowThroughout recorded history, humans have been clever and resourceful as they sought out ways to avoid getting saddled down with an unwanted kid. The Onion looks back on the most ingenious forms of birth control used in…