Vol 60: Issue 35

Yahweh Or The Highway - The Onion Cartoons Share Published: August 27, 2024 More Cartoons Explore Tags Vol 60: Issue 35 Read More…

NEWARK, NJ—Marveling at the manifold natural wonders on display inside such a small, self-contained ecosystem, a panel of scientists described feeling awestruck Tuesday by the biodiversity within a single Italian sub. “There’s just an…

SAVANNAH, GA—His voice growing increasingly hoarse as he entered his 72nd hour of contextualizing the 2024 campaign through sports, vice presidential candidate Tim Walz reportedly panicked Monday while trapped inside a football metaphor for…

LEXINGTON, KY—Stating that the anatomical facsimile of the female groin was having the opposite of the vice presidential candidate’s intended effect, aides begged J.D. Vance on Monday to stop carrying around a model of a woman’s pelvis…

RFK Jr. Calls Democratic Party Unrecognizable For Failure To Automatically Grant Position To Kennedy - The Onion Read More The Onion

LAS VEGAS—Warning there were only two hours remaining until the Uber would be called, 25-year-old Sabrina Kelson, the prettiest girl at the bachelorette party, reportedly demanded Monday that everyone else look pretty. “I just think it’s…