Vol 60: Issue 36

MANKATO, MN—Warning that if elected the candidate would show his sinister true colors, acquaintances of Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz alleged Tuesday that his ‘aw, shucks’ persona was merely a cover for his very real ‘gee…

TROY, NY—Showering his screen with balloons and confetti while asking him to confirm the information was accurate, LinkedIn reportedly congratulated local man Steve Romano on Tuesday for reaching five years at his dead-end job without…

With millions returning to campuses for the start of another school year, university administrators are establishing new policies to prevent and discourage their students from taking part in pro-Palestine protests. Here are some of the most…

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Pondering a hypothetical that, if proven, would fundamentally alter feline understanding of the universe, the nation’s foremost cat scientists held a symposium Friday to discuss a theoretical third food type that was neither…

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Expressing their envy at the child’s obviously superior dining experience, everyone sitting in a local restaurant Monday was reportedly jealous of a toddler who got to wear his pajamas and watch an iPad for the whole meal.…

STOCKTON, CA—Complaining that the woman acts like she owns the place despite her groom’s incredible generosity, local man Jason Foster reported Monday that his bride was being awfully picky about the wedding cake for someone who just got a…