Vol 60: Issue 38

Israel blew up thousands of two-way personal radios used by Hezbollah members in Lebanon, the second wave of an intelligence operation that started with the explosions of pager devices the day before. What do you think? “Israel…

The Golden Bachelorette, the latest spin-off from The Bachelor franchise, premiered Wednesday night on ABC. Here is everything you need to know about the reality dating series. Q: Why is it called The Golden Bachelorette? A: It tested…

The Food and Drug Administration approved Apple’s new hearing aid feature for their AirPods Pro 2 earbuds that amplifies sounds for people with perceived mild to moderate hearing impairment, coming two years after federal health officials…

I've Got A Bad Feline About This - The Onion Cartoons Share Published: September 19, 2024 More Cartoons Explore Tags Vol 60: Issue 38…

WHIPPANY, NJ—Calling the contraceptive device a novel breakthrough in hormone-free birth control, the IUD brand Mirena unveiled a new intrauterine owl Thursday that perches near a patient’s eggs to scare away sperm. “This FDA-approved…

MILWAUKEE—Expressing elation over the discovery made during renovations of their newly purchased Victorian house, new homeowners Rick and Tanya Delaney were reportedly thrilled Thursday to find a pentagram carved into the hardwood floor…

Former President Donald Trump is safe following what appears to be an attempted assassination while playing golf, occurring two months after another attempt on his life at a rally in Pennsylvania. What do you think? “I didn’t…

ATHENS, OH—A Mexican migrant reportedly stole an occupational injury Wednesday from a hardworking American, seizing the opportunity for a broken arm from a resident who grew up in this country. “I could have been the one out there…

MALIBU, CA—Groaning as his bruised head thumped along the tiled flooring, 35-year-old injured cyclist Paul Zablocki briefly regained consciousness to see Robert F. Kennedy Jr. dragging him by the legs into the former presidential…

LOS ANGELES—Assuring him the right part would come along eventually, actor Will Bachman’s agent informed him Thursday that, after a lengthy casting process, the producers of the television pilot he auditioned for had chosen to go with a dog…