Vol 60: Issue 43

A funeral home in Poland apologized after a corpse that it was transporting fell out of a hearse and into traffic, issuing a statement taking responsibility for the incident and blaming a technical failure of the hearse. What do you think?…

Former President Trump has on multiple occasions praised Adolf Hitler according to John Kelly, his longest-serving White House chief of staff who, in a series of audio interviews, claimed Trump met the definition of a fascist and raised…

Studies have linked chronic loneliness with a variety of harmful health conditions, from cardiovascular disease to anxiety. The Onion takes a look at the key statistics behind what the surgeon general has described as a loneliness epidemic.…

TRAVERSE CITY, MI—In an effort to reach out to swing voters crucial to his reelection bid, former President Donald Trump reportedly attempted to soften his image Friday by distributing airbrushed JCPenney beauty shots of himself at a…

FAIRFAX, VA—Shaking his head as he rushed past yet another indecisive group laughing together at an obvious dead end, area man Justin Carter reflected Friday on how going with friends would have just slowed him down on his way through a…

Former Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries, his romantic partner, and a third man were arrested on charges of luring men into drug-laced, outlandish, and coercive sex parties by dangling the promise of modeling for the retailer’s…

CINCINNATI—Moments after he frantically nailed two-by-fours across the closed door of the bedroom he shares with his wife, vice presidential candidate JD Vance issued a dire warning Wednesday, alerting the public that millions of women may…

The Handmaid’s Pigtail - The Onion Cartoons Share Published: October 24, 2024 More Cartoons Explore Tags Vol 60: Issue 43 Read More…

Elon Musk, one of the Trump campaign’ most powerful donors, recently announced he will give away $1 million daily to swing state voters who sign his PAC’s petition. Here are all of the other ways the billionaire is working to get Trump…

SPOKANE, WA—Stressing that the best move would be to just shave the whole thing off, sources confirmed Thursday that area man Stephen Blanchet’s shitty beard had barely any frolicsome woodland creatures living in it. “You can tell Stephen’s…