Vol 60: Issue 45

President Joe Biden vowed to ensure a peaceful and orderly transition to his Republican predecessor and now successor, Donald Trump, urging Americans to “accept the choice the country made.” What do you think? “Wow, could the…

PALM BEACH, FL—Lashing furiously at each other’s faces with their flailing hands, the Trump boys were reportedly engaged in a slap fight Friday over who would get to run their dad’s foreign policy meetings. “No, you got to do it last time,…

Democrats across the country were left in disbelief as they confronted the reality of another Donald Trump presidency, searching for answers about how he could have become the first Republican to win the popular vote in 20 years. What do…

Zyn, a brand of nicotine pouches, has surged in popularity, particularly among young men. Here is what you need to know about the product. Q: How is Zyn different from other nicotine products? A: Unlike cigarettes, you cannot swallow…

Donald Trump overcame four indictments, a criminal conviction, a finding that he was liable for sexual abuse, accusations of inciting an insurrection, and the bullet of a would-be assassin to be declared the winner of the 2024 presidential…

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Pressing her finger to the recently defeated candidate’s lips and urging her not to be afraid, a cloaked Hillary Clinton reportedly beckoned Kamala Harris to follow her into the woods Thursday morning. “Come, it’s time for you…

Mike Tyson and Jake Paul will face off Nov. 15 in a heavyweight boxing match streamed exclusively on Netflix. Here are the rules the boxers will be required to follow: Tyson and Paul must spend the first 20 minutes explaining who they…

Today's Historic Front Page: November 6, 2024 - The Onion Share Published: November 6, 2024 Advertising Explore Tags Related Coverage…

WASHINGTON—Calling on all Democrats to step up and donate in the wake of Donald Trump’s victory in the 2024 presidential election, a fundraising email sent out Wednesday by the Democratic National Committee pleaded for a donation of $20 to…

STEWARTSTOWN, PA—With Donald Trump decisively winning a second term as president, local sources reported this week that those tireless civil rights crusaders weren’t so smug now, were they? “This ought to shut up those self-satisfied…