Vol 60: Issue 46

Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris will reopen to the public five years after a devastating fire, with the bells ringing out for the first time since 2019. What do you think? “It was more eye-catching when it was on fire.” Scott Polomo,…

President-elect Donald Trump has announced that campaign co-chair Susie Wiles will serve as his White House chief of staff. The Onion takes a look at the political strategist’s background and credentials. Favorite Meeting Time: 10:45…

ANAHEIM, CA—Saying the couple wanted to minimize disruptions while they celebrated their love of American animation and each other, area bride Rachel DaSilva told reporters Friday that her Disney wedding would be kid-free. “Josh and I are…

The Office star John Krasinski received the title of People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2024, taking the mantle from last year’s honoree Patrick Dempsey. What do you think? “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. He still needs to…

CLEVELAND—Stalled in a panic after his planned rampage hit an unexpected snag, area office shooter Zachary Carter was reportedly too grossed out Friday to kick down the door of his workplace’s lactation room. “Oh God, yuck—I feel like I can…

WASHINGTON—Responding with visible exhaustion as the tech entrepreneur mentioned yet another of what he considered must-play titles, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly nodded vacantly Friday after Elon Musk rattled off his 10th…

Women across the country are seeking out abortion medication at a rate 17 times higher than usual ahead of Donald Trump’s second term, fearing his administration could severely curtail access to reproductive care. What do you think?…

MINNEAPOLIS—Grabbing their pom-poms before heading out to pump up the crowd, several WNBA players confirmed Thursday that they have been forced to supplement their incomes during the offseason by cheerleading for NBA teams. “With the season…

Orgasm Pretty Good - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: November 13, 2024 More News in Photos Explore Tags Read More The…

LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that he treated the 20-year-old the same as any other rookie, Lakers power forward LeBron James denied Wednesday that his son Bronny received preferential treatment when he lifted him up to dunk. “Yes, he’s my…