Vol 60: Issue 47

Spirit Airlines filed for bankruptcy protection after mounting losses, unaffordable debt, increased competition for bargain-seeking airline passengers, and the inability to merge with other airlines left it little choice. What do you think?…

DNC Chair: It’s Not A Waste Of Money If It Makes You Happy - The Onion Share Published: November 21, 2024 Advertising Explore Tags Related Coverage…

President Joe Biden agreed to give Ukraine anti-personnel landmines, a move criticized by humanitarian organizations that’s seen as an attempt to slow Russian troops who have been steadily advancing in Ukraine’s east in recent months. What…

Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo star in Wicked, an adaptation of the Broadway musical with a massive marketing campaign. The Onion sat down with the actresses to discuss their love of theater, craft, and on-set friendships. The Onion: In…

PALM BEACH, FL—Blushing, short of breath, and unable to look away from the image, the Trump boys told reporters Thursday that they got a weird feeling after their Uncle Elon showed them a picture of a busty anime cat girl. “Uncle Elon…

GLENDALE, CA—Rotating the tortilla-wrapped meal to consume the Mexican food in even levels, eyewitnesses reported Thursday that every movement in local man Eddy Azarian’s burrito-eating technique has been informed by past burrito tragedies.…

PALM BEACH, FL—Admitting that ever since he joined the campaign trail the billionaire tech mogul had refused to leave him alone, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly locked the bathroom door Tuesday so Elon Musk couldn’t follow him in…

COLUMBUS, OH—Receiving widespread condemnation from residents and government officials alike, the neo-Nazi march that took place in Ohio’s capital on Saturday was slammed for not procuring the proper permits. “This is not the kind of nation…

NEW YORK—After being forced to eat McDonald’s on the private jet of President-elect Donald Trump, a visibly sweaty Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly performed surgery on himself this weekend to extract a Big Mac from his stomach. “I have to…

‘I’m Ready, Man,’ Declares Weary President WASHINGTON—Explaining that this represented the end of the line and he simply wished to go out with a bang, President Joe Biden announced Monday that he had authorized Ukraine to use long-range…