Vol 61: Issue 12

WASHINGTON—In a move that stunned the global real estate community, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday pulling the United States out of House Hunters International. “We’re not benefiting from those perfect…

Previously holding the title of “world’s ugliest animal,” the lumpy, jelly-like, deep-sea blobfish redeemed its reputation this week when it was crowned Fish of the Year by a New Zealand environmental group. What do you think? “Get…

WASHINGTON—Addressing the nation to reveal that one of the greatest threats facing the country had been eradicated, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that SEAL Team Six had killed a U.S. protester in a daring overnight raid.…

Beef tallow, also known as rendered beef fat, is trending among beauty and health influencers. Here is everything you need to know about the by-product. Q: What is beef tallow used for? A: Cooking, skincare, and fixing squeaky cows. …

Harvard announced that undergraduate tuition will be free for students of families who make annual incomes of $200,000 or less, a move intended to make the prestigious institution “affordable to more students than ever.” What do you think?…

WASHINGTON—In a decisive victory for longtime champions of the cause, congressional leaders announced Wednesday the passage of a new federal law mandating that all women talk with a baby voice. “Under the terms of this legislation, every…

ST. CHARLES, MO—Covering her ears as her father screamed at her mother about the overuse of suggestive POV camera shots, local child Hadley Lohman sat frightened atop the stairs last night watching her parents argue about the ending of The…

President Donald Trump invoked the Alien Enemies Act for the first time since it was used to intern Japanese immigrants during WWII, granting himself sweeping authority to deport non-citizens without giving them the opportunity to go before…

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Finding himself stopped upon entering a building at the Trump International Golf Club, Vice President JD Vance was reportedly reminded by a staff member Tuesday that caddies are not allowed in the clubhouse. “Sir, sir,…

NORFOLK, VA—Rolling their eyes at her mindless embrace of that which brings her happiness in life, sources confirmed Tuesday that basic woman Madison Derry’s entire personality revolves around things she enjoys. “I honestly kind of cringe…