Vol 61: Issue 13

A thief who swiped a golden toilet from an English palace was convicted along with an accomplice who helped cash in on the 18-carat work of art insured for more than $6 million. What do you think? “Thank God, I can’t hold it in any…

LOS ANGELES—In what could prove a devastating loss for the top-seeded Big Ten team, University of Southern California star JuJu Watkins reportedly strained her bun Monday during the opening game of the NCAA Women’s March Madness tournament.…

Well Shit, Man Thought He Secured Infant Car Seat - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: March 24, 2025 More News in Photos Explore Tags…

In the coming weeks, nearly 60% of Americans are expected to travel over the academic vacation period known as spring break. The Onion presents a historical timeline of the wild cultural phenomenon now considered a rite of passage for many…

Pope Francis Flips Off Crowd From Balcony - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: March 24, 2025 More News in Photos Explore Tags…

Spray-Painted Penis Only Thing Holding Cybertruck Together - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: March 24, 2025 More News in Photos Explore…

RALEIGH, NC—Feeling somewhat deflated by the event after so much buildup, local woman Dianna Clark confirmed Monday that she found the process of planning suicide far more enjoyable than the suicide itself. “I mean, obviously, I believe the…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to restore what he said were traditional American values that the previous administration had attempted to destroy, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday decreeing that all children born while…