Vol 61: Issue 14

As the art of homesteading enjoys a resurgence in modern culture, many Americans are turning to backyard chicken coops as both an alternative source of food and a rewarding hobby. The Onion shares tips for tending a flock of chickens of…

WASHINGTON—Lambasting the current program as wasteful, bloated, and entirely unnecessary, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth called for steep cuts Monday to the number of steps in the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery model. “We must cut through…

Dietary Restrict-Funs - The Onion Cartoons Share Published: March 31, 2025 More Cartoons Explore Tags Vol 61: Issue 14 Read More…

WASHINGTON—In the wake of comments the comedian made that reportedly angered the Trump administration, the White House Correspondents’ Association confirmed Monday that it had scrapped Amber Ruffin as the host of its annual dinner in favor…

Ex Run Into While Stalking Other Ex - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: March 31, 2025 More News in Photos Explore Tags Read More…

ARLINGTON, VA—Arguing that the move would allow the government agency to present a united front against threats to national security, the Pentagon announced Monday that it was cutting all employees with weak jawlines. “We’re committed to…

NEW YORK—Saying he found the activity enriched his life and provided him with a real sense of purpose, local man Martin Berens, 43, spent his afternoon volunteering opinions about the homeless, sources confirmed Monday. “Nothing makes me…