Vol 61: Issue 18

WASHINGTON—Claiming the fantastical creatures were “way too cool” to leave their investigation to a handful of so-called experts, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued a statement Friday encouraging Americans to…

WASHINGTON—Signing the executive order just minutes after storming off the set, President Donald Trump revoked federal funding for PBS this week after his grandfather clock reportedly received a lower-than-expected Antiques Roadshow…

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Scolding thousands of employees for letting themselves become distracted from their schooling, Rockstar Games announced Friday that Grand Theft Auto VI would be delayed until the studio’s developers got their grades up.…

A study in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that semaglutides, such as Ozempic and Wegovy, may help treat fatty liver disease, pointing to yet another potential use for these popular weight-loss drugs. What do you think?…

WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that his tariff hikes could result in a frozen supply chain this holiday season, President Donald Trump claimed Friday that any toy shortages Americans experienced could be easily overcome by making the family’s…

Stephen Miller Dead Behind Eyes At 39 - The Onion Published: May 2, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos Explore Tags…

Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame - The Onion Published: May 2, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos The…

Sinners, the new movie from Ryan Coogler starring Michael B. Jordan, has received widespread praise from critics and audiences. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: What is Sinners about? A: America’s inability to…

ORLANDO, FL—Claiming epiphanies just seem to come to him when he sits by an orca tank, local man Troy Morales told reporters Friday that he always gets his best ideas in the splash zone. “Something about a 10-foot wall of water crashing…

NEW BERLIN, NY—Taking the rookie employee aside to offer him “a word to the wise,” Chobani CEO Hamdi Ulukaya warned new hire Austin Cook that he was in the yogurt game now, company sources confirmed Friday. “I don’t know what they taught…