Vol 61: Issue 18

Anderson Cooper Undergoes Cosmetic Surgery To Look Even More Concerned - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: April 30, 2025 More News in Photos…

Rockies Pitcher Out With Altitude Sickness After Ascending Mound Too Quickly - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: April 29, 2025 More News in…

WASHINGTON—In a dramatic reversal of recent polls showing a decline in the president’s approval ratings during his first 100 days in office, new surveys confirmed Tuesday that President Donald Trump’s support was surging after he pointed a…

CLEVELAND—Honoring the concertgoer for his seemingly bottomless reserves of energy, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced Thursday the induction of the guy going nuts in the front row. “Tonight, we’re proud to induct this wild-eyed guy…

The Trump administration is considering proposals that would help reverse the nation’s declining birth rate. Here are the White House’s ideas for encouraging women to have more babies. Monopoly game pieces on every container of Enfamil sold…

LOWELL, MA—Doing her best to follow her therapist’s advice for dealing with stressful situations, area woman Holly Debling reportedly reminded herself Tuesday not to catastrophize after she spotted four skeletal horsemen on the horizon.…

Misfortune Cookie - The Onion Cartoons Share Published: April 29, 2025 More Cartoons Explore Tags Vol 61: Issue 18 Read More…

WASHINGTON—Explaining that such items constituted a veritable uniform for the notorious criminal organization, FBI director Kash Patel claimed Monday that gavels and black gowns were sufficient evidence to tie an individual to the MS-13…

WASHINGTON—After dispatching “Dear Colleague” letters to top cosmetology programs across the country, President Donald Trump threatened Monday to defund any beauty school that did not adhere to the standards of the MAGA movement. “We’ve set…

VATICAN CITY—Barely containing his excitement for the selection of the next pope to begin, admittedly catty Cardinal Rubén Salazar Gómez confirmed Monday that he couldn’t wait to see who had gotten fat since the last conclave. “I know this…