Vol 61: Issue 2

CHICAGO—Cocking her head in confusion as she sought to determine if what she was attempting to do was even possible, area woman Sandra Brackett reportedly struggled to put down her bags Wednesday while still holding onto her coffee like a…

Congestion pricing is now in effect in New York City after months of delays and legal challenges, with many curious how traffic will change throughout the day, if at all. What do you think? “I thought I was hit by fewer cars today!”…

Compared to similar high-income nations, Americans spend twice as much on healthcare, yet have lower life expectancies and higher infant mortality rates. The Onion looks at the key facts and figures behind the U.S. healthcare system. …

DURHAM, NC—Shrugging as he issued a half-hearted apology for his absence, Duke freshman basketball player Cooper Flagg confirmed Tuesday he would be out for two weeks due to a family trip to Hilton Head Island. “I really want to be there…

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau resigned as polls indicated that his Liberal Party was set to be trounced by the opposition Conservative Party in the upcoming election. What do you think? “Good, he would never have beaten…

TOKYO—Working for nearly eight hours to bring the record-setting catch aboard, a group of Japanese fishermen reportedly reeled in a 600-pound can of tuna Tuesday that was later auctioned off at a local fish market. “From the moment I felt…

KOHLER, WI—To address a situation the plumbing-fixture company described as embarrassing for everyone involved, Kohler issued a recall Tuesday of 30,000 bathtubs it had shipped with a nude man already inside. “Due to a mix-up at our…

LOS ANGELES—Reminding his son that he won’t be on the roster forever, Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James reportedly began pressuring Bronny to have grandchildren before he’s too old to play with them in the NBA, sources confirmed Monday.…

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that Americans need to get their travel documents updated because the agency wasn’t messing around anymore, the TSA officials confirmed Monday that, no, really, they’re going to require Real ID this year. “As of May…

A man is suing the California Lottery alleging that he has not received part of his winnings from a nearly $400 million Mega Millions jackpot after he located one of his winning tickets but not the other. What do you think? “I can…