Vol 61: Issue 2

LOS ANGELES—Reminding his son that he won’t be on the roster forever, Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James reportedly began pressuring Bronny to have grandchildren before he’s too old to play with them in the NBA, sources confirmed Monday.…

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that Americans need to get their travel documents updated because the agency wasn’t messing around anymore, the TSA officials confirmed Monday that, no, really, they’re going to require Real ID this year. “As of May…

A man is suing the California Lottery alleging that he has not received part of his winnings from a nearly $400 million Mega Millions jackpot after he located one of his winning tickets but not the other. What do you think? “I can…

STANFORD, CA—In response to seeing what the pollinators were capable of in the 1991 coming-of-age drama, ecologists at Stanford University issued a statement Monday calling for the extinction of bees after they watched My Girl. “Upon…

NEW YORK—According to a report released Friday by experts who know all about what has been happening in your mind for the past few seconds, the terrible thing that just popped into your head would make your loved ones turn on you…

Time Warp - The Onion Cartoons Share Published: January 6, 2025 More Cartoons Explore Tags Vol 61: Issue 2 Read More The Onion…

With the start of a new year, millions of Americans are honing in on their fitness goals and returning to the gym, including the weight room floor. The Onion dispels the common myths many people have about strength training. MYTH:…