Vol 61: Issue 20

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—With the rest of the family looking on tensely as the conversation grew heated, local parents James and Denise Sweeney were reportedly bickering Tuesday over whether they had seen The Bear. “We watched one episode…

SEATTLE—Deftly jumping into the arena’s octagon as audience members cheered and laughed, an Ultimate Fighting Championship clown attempted Saturday to lure an irate fighter’s attention away from his fallen competitor. The lighthearted…

Cannes Film Festival issued an updated red carpet dress code that effectively bans full nudity and “voluminous” ensembles, citing “decency reasons.” What do you think? “Look, they never said where my black tie was supposed to go.”…

WASHINGTON—In a move that significantly restricts the eligibility of thousands of American troops to fight for their country on the front lines, senior U.S. military officials announced Wednesday that all men with girl names would now be…

WASHINGTON—Condemning what he described as the disturbing and unjust treatment of the group, President Donald Trump granted refugee status this week to former SS guards. “The discrimination these people are facing is absolutely sick—they’re…

Claiming they are targets of genocide and discrimination, the Trump administration has granted white South Africans expedited refugee status. Here are the measures the U.S. government is taking to help resettle Afrikaners. Requiring them to…

Nervous Matt Gaetz Fumbles With Training Bra - The Onion Published: May 14, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos Explore Tags…

Silence of the Telegrams - The Onion Published: May 14, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Cartoons The Onion

Federal judges, some of whom are overseeing cases involving the Trump administration, are sounding the alarm over unsolicited deliveries of pizzas to their homes, which they view as a tactic of intimidation against them. What do you think?…

EUSTIS, ME—With a banner that read “We’re All You’ve Got!” hanging above its entrance, local disgusting restaurant Lenny’s Diner celebrated 30 years as a small town’s only option, sources reported Monday. “Since 1995, it has been our…