Vol 61: Issue 21

LONDON—Noting how the new headpiece was much better suited to his royal lifestyle, King Charles III announced Wednesday that he had switched out his 5-pound, solid-gold crown for a more comfortable silicone one. “Unlike my old crown,…

ORLANDO, FL—Emphasizing that it’s just words, after all, a team of relationship experts issued a recommendation Thursday that stressed the importance of saying “I love you” even if you don’t mean it. “It can be stressful when a…

WASHINGTON—Promising to stamp out the extremist movement as well as its sympathizers, the U.S. State Department announced Thursday that the WNBA had been designated as a terrorist organization. According to Secretary of State Marco Rubio,…

LANSING, MI—Assuring herself it wasn’t even that late, local woman Natalie Sissons reportedly allowed herself one more anxiety episode Tuesday before going to bed. “Just one more episode of paralyzing apprehension and fear, then I’ll…

SILVER SPRING, MD—In the aftermath of the deadly storms that ripped through the central United States over the weekend, the National Weather Service confirmed Monday that due to critical staffing shortages, the agency was still weeks away…

WASHINGTON—With the dispute threatening to derail legislative approval of President Donald Trump’s “big, beautiful bill,” congressional sources confirmed Monday that GOP infighting had erupted over whether the bill was beautiful or…

Wow, what a lovely backyard! It sure was kind of that family to hoist me so high into the air so I could enjoy swaying back and forth in the breeze and taking in this beautiful view. From way up here, I can’t help but notice all the sparkly…

A document purchased by Harvard Law School for $27.50 and thought to be a replica of the Magna Carta—one of the earliest declarations of human rights—is in fact an original from 1300. What do you think? “This makes me think I should…

WASHINGTON—After a stunning admission that he’d been diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of the disease, former President Joe Biden reportedly faced mounting pressure on Monday to let a younger Democrat battle cancer. “Given the current…

LOW EARTH ORBIT—Dreading a scenario in which He showed up early and was forced to make awkward small talk with mankind, Jesus Christ, the King of Kings, circled the earth a few times so He wouldn’t be the first to arrive for Judgment Day,…