Vol 61: Issue 22

Stapler Not The Same Since Tasting Human Flesh - The Onion Published: May 28, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos…

Rusted Qatari Plane Sitting On Blocks On White House Lawn - The Onion Published: May 28, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos…

WASHINGTON—Although the mysterious stranger has been spotted both on Air Force One and at Mar-a-Lago, an administration official confirmed Wednesday that nobody in the White House was sure who the guy praying over President Donald Trump is.…

MEMPHIS, TN—In a last-ditch effort to keep the lights on, the Memphis Science Center confirmed it had opened a new interactive exhibit this week that lets kids figure out how to manage the budget shortfall that, if it is not dealt with,…

Owner Gives Detailed Preamble For Why Dog Named Mr. Dog - The Onion Published: May 27, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos…

KOHLER, WI—Rushing out a statement to reaffirm the executive’s love and respect for the company’s signature plumbing product, Kohler was reportedly doing damage control Tuesday after CEO K. David Kohler admitted to the press that he never…

The British government will use medication to suppress the libidos of sex offenders as part of a package of measures meant to reduce the risk of reoffending and alleviate overcrowding in the prison system. What do you think? “And…

Singer-songwriter Gracie Abrams is currently touring to promote her album The Secret Of Us. Here is everything you need to know about the artist. Genre: Treadmill cooldown Image: Girl next door in a gated community Hair Color:…

NASHUA, NH—Providing enrichment activities for students with abilities that set them apart from their peers, the gifted program at Middlebrook Elementary only admits kids who can emotionally handle time away from their iPads, school…

LOS ALAMOS, NM—The four words presaging even grimmer dialogue to come, the phrase “you on the apps?” reportedly heralded the beginning of the world’s bleakest conversation, sources reported Tuesday. Several reports indicated that the…