Vol 61: Issue 23

LOS ANGELES—Admitting that she shared in the confusion held by a majority of U.S. and foreign consumers, Christie Brinkley was also shocked to learn this week that she was not a spokesperson for Skechers. “This whole time I thought I was…

COLUMBUS, OH—Locked into a steely focus while readying himself for the task at hand, area IT support specialist Jeff Miller reportedly prepared to address a tech issue Thursday by slipping on his carpal tunnel braces with the calm of a…

WASHINGTON—Visibly unnerved after experiencing a slight breeze through an office window, acting head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency David Richardson reportedly became confused Thursday by the concept of wind, remarking that he…

A 200-year-old illustrated condom will go on display with Dutch golden age masters in Amsterdam, after the 19th-century “luxury souvenir” became the first-ever contraceptive sheath to be added to the Rijksmuseum’s art collection. What do…

Celebrities including Rihanna and Blackpink’s Lisa have been spotted with Labubu dolls, the latest craze to hit the U.S. Here is everything you need to know about the plush toys. Q: What is a Labubu? A: A Labubu is designer Kasing Lung’s…

The Needled and the Damaged Son - The Onion Published: June 5, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Cartoons The Onion

AUSTIN, TX—Stressing that the billionaire’s completely erratic behavior had strained the already fraught relationships, sources confirmed Thursday that a rift was widening between Elon Musk and anyone who had ever met him. “Elon’s…

A downtown avenue in Mexico City was once again the stage of a march in which hundreds of nudists celebrated the human body. What do you think? “The only ones I wanna see nude in a parade are Garfield and Snoopy.” Juan Gallo, Yolk…

HUNTINGTON, NY—Eagerly explaining to the 9-year-old that the investment was already down 11% since purchase, Marcus Aldaco reportedly gave his son Eddie his first stock Wednesday so the boy could learn early about losing everything. “I want…

STANFORD, CA—In a breakthrough shedding crucial light on the commonly misunderstood mental health affliction, a new study by researchers at Stanford University revealed Wednesday that depression was most common among individuals who look…