Vol 61: Issue 9

NEW YORK—Warning that their sudden desire for a new sports car could leave you completely broke, many financial experts now recommend setting aside an emergency fund they can bilk you out of, reports confirmed Monday. “Many Americans are…

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to raise morale by providing a fun yet challenging activity for employees of the U.S. DOGE Service, Elon Musk announced Monday a new office-wide contest to guess how many sperm were contained inside a cup placed on…

WASHINGTON—With the elected officials trying their hardest not to move a muscle, reports confirmed Monday that top Democratic leaders in Congress were standing real still in hopes that the American people wouldn’t notice them. “Don’t make…