Worldviews

TEMPE, AZ — Local white liberal Jennifer Armstrong is holding out hope that a black person will actually show up to her Kwanzaa party this year."I've been so good all year," said Armstrong. "All I want for Kwanzaa is a black to show up.…

SAN BERNADINO, CA — Laying in a misshapen heap amidst a pile of decorative rocks, a local inflatable snowman began questioning why he even exists at all.Inflating and deflating each day in a cultural milieu of post-Christian relativism, the…

RENO, NV — Local conspiracy theorist Joy Behar went on an unhinged rant this morning, professing to a friend that she did not believe in the existence of dragons.Though well-known for her bizarre beliefs, several friends expressed concern…

U.S. — In response to an alarming new trend of women vowing to abstain from sex because Donald Trump was re-elected president, conservative husbands across the country have chosen to fall on their swords and have twice as much sex to save…

U.S. — In the wake of Tuesday's presidential election, liberal women across the country vowed this week to seek revenge on Donald Trump and his supporters by committing themselves to sexual abstinence, attending church, getting married, and…

HOUSTON, TX — Democrats outside of the Kamala Harris rally began screaming in blind rage after spotting a child who somehow managed to make it out of the womb alive."Boo! Die! Die!" cried the Democrats, appalled by the sight of a little…

BRENTWOOD, CA — Local woman Tara Maeser told friends she couldn't believe some people consider a fetus to be a human while also asking everyone to look at her adorable cat, Dave, wearing his new argyle sweater."Look at widdle Davey! Isn't…

PITTSBURGH, OH — In a historic first, sources close to supposedly diehard libertarian Colyn Rhodes have just confirmed that the 34-year old critic of taxation and government infrastructure has indeed taken a shower.While initial reports of…

Europeans love to malign America, but did you know that Americans actually take most European critiques as compliments? Here are eight European criticisms that Americans will actually say "thank you" to!You guys have enough guns to blow up…

News made the rounds over the weekend that LGBTQ activists celebrated the removal of "No U-Turn" signs in Los Angeles, leaving many people wondering how long it would be before other homophobic street signs are taken down. "Which street…