Worldviews

ANAHEIM, CA — The effects of cutbacks to public school funding for teaching children about the myriad types of gross deviants there are in the world began to be felt this week, as one five-year-old student was found not to know all the…

NASHVILLE, TN — A local community Easter egg hunt ground to a halt yesterday as conservative commentator Matt Walsh kept jumping out from nearby bushes to inform the children that it's biologically impossible for a bunny to lay eggs. "This…

Get a load of this idiot white-knight SIMP trying to save a princess from a dragon. What a beta male!This guy just showed up in a suit of armor and started hacking away at a dragon, risking his life and limb to protect a princess who…

TEMPE, AZ — Local white liberal Jennifer Armstrong is holding out hope that a black person will actually show up to her Kwanzaa party this year."I've been so good all year," said Armstrong. "All I want for Kwanzaa is a black to show up.…

SAN BERNADINO, CA — Laying in a misshapen heap amidst a pile of decorative rocks, a local inflatable snowman began questioning why he even exists at all.Inflating and deflating each day in a cultural milieu of post-Christian relativism, the…

RENO, NV — Local conspiracy theorist Joy Behar went on an unhinged rant this morning, professing to a friend that she did not believe in the existence of dragons.Though well-known for her bizarre beliefs, several friends expressed concern…

U.S. — In response to an alarming new trend of women vowing to abstain from sex because Donald Trump was re-elected president, conservative husbands across the country have chosen to fall on their swords and have twice as much sex to save…

U.S. — In the wake of Tuesday's presidential election, liberal women across the country vowed this week to seek revenge on Donald Trump and his supporters by committing themselves to sexual abstinence, attending church, getting married, and…

HOUSTON, TX — Democrats outside of the Kamala Harris rally began screaming in blind rage after spotting a child who somehow managed to make it out of the womb alive."Boo! Die! Die!" cried the Democrats, appalled by the sight of a little…

BRENTWOOD, CA — Local woman Tara Maeser told friends she couldn't believe some people consider a fetus to be a human while also asking everyone to look at her adorable cat, Dave, wearing his new argyle sweater."Look at widdle Davey! Isn't…