Worldviews

When M&M bravely transformed their M&M characters into progressive liberals they shined a spotlight on a problem no one had ever considered before. Can candy be racist? Can it be transphobic or deplorable? The answer, we now know,…

RICHMOND, CA—"Appropriating the fashions, foods, music, and lifestyles of other cultures is evil and wrong," said a man wearing a flowery dress, jewelry, makeup, and demanding everyone call him "Denise." "Just because you really,…

U.S.—The nation has begun clamoring for common-sense Alec Baldwin control to curb unnecessary deaths from careless actors gunning down their coworkers on set. "How many more have to die before we as a nation will implement common-sense,…

Laid-Off Journalist Trying To Learn To Code Horrified To Discover The Code Is Binary NEW YORK, NY—When Huffington Post writer Brutto Chalet discovered he was being let go earlier this year, he decided he was going to do what all…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold, yet unsurprising move, the Biden administration presented the case in favor of abortion by calling their first expert witness, Satan. “Your honors, we would like to call our first expert witness to the…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The front steps of the U.S. Supreme Court showed a busy scene as pro-choice activists played music and shouted louder in hopes Baal would hear their plea to legally sacrifice their children to him. “Choosing to pay to have…

DENVER, CO—Local Christian plumber Peter Howe has come under fire for refusing to join same-sex fittings. Howe is being labeled a "backward, hateful bigot" for his refusal to connect two male pipe threads or two female pipe threads,…

White Dolls From American Girl Now Come With Fun Book Saying How Terrible They Are MIDDLETON, WI—Announcing their new arrivals of dolls for little girls to play with, American Girl™ unveiled a special new feature that comes with every white…

Racism is baked into the very asphalt of our highways, Pete Buttigieg tells us. And, like good American citizens, we believe everything an unelected bureaucrat tells us. So, we found a picture of an ordinary U.S. highway and started looking…

Patriarchy Declares Victory After Taking Over Women's Sports, Restrooms, Top Military Roles TOP SECRET—Hundreds of men gathered in a smoke-filled room at a top-secret location today to celebrate the patriarchy's total victory over women,…