Worldviews

U.S. — In an alert to elected officials across the nation, unborn babies issued a statement warning that there might be dire consequences for the electoral chances of Republican candidates they are allowed to live. "Be careful. If you save…

OXFORD — Atheists worldwide were surprised to hear that one of their movement's prominent leaders had undergone a potential worldview shift as several witnesses reported they had seen Richard Dawkins wearing a WWJD bracelet and Christian…

U.S. — As the United States Congress considers legislation that would ban the popular China-owned social media app, progressives expressed fear that, without TikTok, they wouldn't be able to convince kids to join their weird sex…

U.S. — Thanks to the prominently placed Super Bowl ad, thousands of people on their way to Hell breathed a sigh of relief upon learning that Jesus "gets them" and they don't have to repent or anything."It's such a relief," said local…

SACRAMENTO, CA — With a landmark piece of legislation, the state of California became the first state in the nation to ban heterosexual marriage.The historic law, which effectively makes it illegal for a man and woman to be joined in holy…

LOS ANGELES, CA — A local man had his entire worldview radically altered today, coming to a revelatory new conclusion on geopolitical affairs after being stuck in traffic for three hours due to protesters blocking the freeway."You know,…

The Human Rights Campaign is forever on the hunt for companies that aren't gay enough. If they ever show up at your place of business and discover you're inadequately queer, watch out! They'll break your kneecaps!The Babylon Bee has taken a…

BURLINGAME, CA — Atheists around America spent the day sitting patiently around dining room tables waiting for a wonderful Thanksgiving meal to materialize itself from nothing."I was feeling confident this was the year something magnificent…

NEW YORK, NY — Planned Parenthood, in an effort to remain on the cutting edge of progressive language, has announced the new proper term for an unborn baby is "womb colonizer.""It's a perfect description for those little parasites," said…

NEW YORK, NY — Halloween revelers were shocked this week after a new haunted house that had gained strong notoriety for featuring human bodies being ripped limb from limb turned out to simply be a Planned Parenthood clinic."Totally not what…