Worldviews

We're several days into a new school year, and if your kid hasn't been suspended yet, you may need to take a hard look at what type of child you're raising. It doesn't take much these days for a kid to get kicked out of public school, even…

WORLD — A newly released report has revealed that people are following their hearts at record levels, with remarkably disastrous results."People are just being true to themselves! Why is everything so terrible?" said lead researcher Tim…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — By all accounts a subpar Mormon, local man Bryce Smith was assigned to govern Pluto upon his sudden passing yesterday. "I'm a little bummed, yeah. I was really hoping for something exciting like Kobol, Arrakis, or…

HOUSTON, TX — A so-called conservative was spotted exercising while wearing noise-canceling earbuds DESPITE previous claims of being totally against cancel culture."Do you remember what they did to Louis C.K. and Dave Chappelle?" total…

CHICAGO, IL — With the month of June coming to a close and various consumer brands across the retail spectrum looking for ways to differentiate themselves in a non-Pride Month marketplace, makers of the popular sports drink Gatorade have…

SEATTLE, WA — A man sitting in state prison for exposing himself to kids at a local playground is kicking himself that he didn't just wait and do it at a pride parade instead."Man, I'm so mad at myself!" convicted sex offender Lester…

AUSTIN, TX — A local man found himself facing charges of blasphemy after he was caught walking on the city's hallowed rainbow crosswalk without removing his sandals in reverence."Everyone knows that our local Rainbow Walk is holy ground,"…

WORLD — Facing increased backlash and negative public attention amid what is perceived by many to be an aggressive assault on traditional values, Satan has officially asked the LGBTQ+ community to tone down its efforts."Can you guys pump…

BEVERLY HILLS, CA — A local surgeon specializing in gender reassignment has come under heavy fire recently, as his critics complain he is still stubbornly only offering "male" or "female" as options."This doctor is so behind the times,"…

NASHVILLE, TN — Movie Night at the Walsh household was thrown into turmoil last night, as political commentator Matt Walsh's family pleaded with him to let them watch something other than his documentary film What is a Woman? at some point…