Worldviews

NEW YORK, NY — Halloween revelers were shocked this week after a new haunted house that had gained strong notoriety for featuring human bodies being ripped limb from limb turned out to simply be a Planned Parenthood clinic."Totally not what…

HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — In a move destined to go down in history books and studied by generations many years from now, a courageous local man took a stand against tyranny by openly reading a banned book he found prominently displayed for…

LOS ANGELES, CA — California parents were thrown for a loop today after news broke of a new state law that says if a child identifies as Optimus Prime, they will be required to install tires on him and send him running down the 405…

We're several days into a new school year, and if your kid hasn't been suspended yet, you may need to take a hard look at what type of child you're raising. It doesn't take much these days for a kid to get kicked out of public school, even…

WORLD — A newly released report has revealed that people are following their hearts at record levels, with remarkably disastrous results."People are just being true to themselves! Why is everything so terrible?" said lead researcher Tim…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — By all accounts a subpar Mormon, local man Bryce Smith was assigned to govern Pluto upon his sudden passing yesterday. "I'm a little bummed, yeah. I was really hoping for something exciting like Kobol, Arrakis, or…

HOUSTON, TX — A so-called conservative was spotted exercising while wearing noise-canceling earbuds DESPITE previous claims of being totally against cancel culture."Do you remember what they did to Louis C.K. and Dave Chappelle?" total…

CHICAGO, IL — With the month of June coming to a close and various consumer brands across the retail spectrum looking for ways to differentiate themselves in a non-Pride Month marketplace, makers of the popular sports drink Gatorade have…

SEATTLE, WA — A man sitting in state prison for exposing himself to kids at a local playground is kicking himself that he didn't just wait and do it at a pride parade instead."Man, I'm so mad at myself!" convicted sex offender Lester…

AUSTIN, TX — A local man found himself facing charges of blasphemy after he was caught walking on the city's hallowed rainbow crosswalk without removing his sandals in reverence."Everyone knows that our local Rainbow Walk is holy ground,"…