Worldviews

BRAZIL — Deep in the Amazon jungle, a group of progressive Christian missionaries is hard at work spreading the good news of alternative lifestyles to unreached native tribes. The missionaries hope their efforts will bear fruit as they…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Amid the controversy surrounding the attack on women's rights activist and NCAA swimming champion Riley Gaines, a new report indicated a burly male trans activist shouted "I'm a victim!" as he punched a woman squarely in…

ST. LOUIS, MO — Beer scientists at Budweiser headquarters are reportedly hard at work researching how many cans of Bud Light it would take for Dylan Mulvaney to pass as a woman.According to sources, Mulvaney, who recently became a spokesman…

WORLD — A promising new report has revealed that the Creator of the Universe will soon return with the keys of death and Hell to redeem the world for himself, wipe away every tear, and make all things new once again. Sources say that after…

NEW YORK, NY — A new study indicates a disturbing trend as testicular injuries in women's sports are increasing at an astounding rate. Researchers are baffled as these statistics have skyrocketed from literally zero reported testicular…

MANHATTAN, NY — This week, 60 Minutes host Scott Pelley held a sit-down interview on the universe's ecological sustainability with a figure who has been both dismissed as a doomsdayer and celebrated as humanity's best hope for longevity on…

OTTAWA — The Canadian Medical System has officially rolled out its own "Life Alert" which provides immediate, medically-assisted death to geriatric patients who push the button."If you fall and can't get up, now you can comfortably die…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Journalists have become increasingly concerned about a rising trend of journalists having to follow the same rules as everyone else."It's not fair that we're being treated the same as other people," sobbed Washington Post…

LAKELAND, FL — According to sources, local man Doug Bolters expressed his extreme displeasure at the signing of the Respect for Marriage Act which enshrines gay marriage into law, saying it is "extremely disrespectful to the institution of…

COLUMBIA, S.C. – According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of "drag queen story hour.""It's a…