Worldviews

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Human rights activists planned large protests in the coming weeks after learning retail giant Target had committed the unprecedented atrocity of moving Pride displays back 20 feet from their previously prominent location…

HELENA, MT — Montana trans lawmaker Zooey Zephyr, formerly known as Zachary Raasch, feels strongly that he has nailed his audition as Bud Light's next spokesperson after leading loud demonstrations in the Montana State Capitol last week."I…

NEW YORK, NY — Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson issued a dire warning in response to Mattel's new Down Syndrome Barbie, saying it might cause young, impressionable girls to think that all human life has value."Here at Planned…

BRAZIL — Deep in the Amazon jungle, a group of progressive Christian missionaries is hard at work spreading the good news of alternative lifestyles to unreached native tribes. The missionaries hope their efforts will bear fruit as they…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Amid the controversy surrounding the attack on women's rights activist and NCAA swimming champion Riley Gaines, a new report indicated a burly male trans activist shouted "I'm a victim!" as he punched a woman squarely in…

ST. LOUIS, MO — Beer scientists at Budweiser headquarters are reportedly hard at work researching how many cans of Bud Light it would take for Dylan Mulvaney to pass as a woman.According to sources, Mulvaney, who recently became a spokesman…

WORLD — A promising new report has revealed that the Creator of the Universe will soon return with the keys of death and Hell to redeem the world for himself, wipe away every tear, and make all things new once again. Sources say that after…

NEW YORK, NY — A new study indicates a disturbing trend as testicular injuries in women's sports are increasing at an astounding rate. Researchers are baffled as these statistics have skyrocketed from literally zero reported testicular…

MANHATTAN, NY — This week, 60 Minutes host Scott Pelley held a sit-down interview on the universe's ecological sustainability with a figure who has been both dismissed as a doomsdayer and celebrated as humanity's best hope for longevity on…

OTTAWA — The Canadian Medical System has officially rolled out its own "Life Alert" which provides immediate, medically-assisted death to geriatric patients who push the button."If you fall and can't get up, now you can comfortably die…