Worldviews

MANHATTAN, NY — This week, 60 Minutes host Scott Pelley held a sit-down interview on the universe's ecological sustainability with a figure who has been both dismissed as a doomsdayer and celebrated as humanity's best hope for longevity on…

OTTAWA — The Canadian Medical System has officially rolled out its own "Life Alert" which provides immediate, medically-assisted death to geriatric patients who push the button."If you fall and can't get up, now you can comfortably die…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Journalists have become increasingly concerned about a rising trend of journalists having to follow the same rules as everyone else."It's not fair that we're being treated the same as other people," sobbed Washington Post…

LAKELAND, FL — According to sources, local man Doug Bolters expressed his extreme displeasure at the signing of the Respect for Marriage Act which enshrines gay marriage into law, saying it is "extremely disrespectful to the institution of…

COLUMBIA, S.C. – According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of "drag queen story hour.""It's a…

So, you've learned from Stacey Abrams that you can deal with high food and gas prices by murdering your children - but what other problems in your life could be solved by simply offing your kids? Ms. Abrams has graciously compiled a list of…

ATLANTA, GA — Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams made headlines this week by saying women can offset the cost of children by aborting them. Evidently seeking to spread her message further, Abrams has been seen interrupting…

AMERICA — Across the nation, thousands of religious fanatics have once again gathered to worship teams of unusually large men trying to move a piece of leather."Never miss a Sunday," said Brad Larsen, taking his usual seat. "I've done my…

SACRAMENTO, CA — This week, California Pastor John MacArthur wrote an open letter reprimanding California Governor Gavin Newsom after the governor took out billboards across the country promoting abortion services using quotes from Jesus.…

SACRAMENTO, CA – In a nationwide campaign to promote abortion tourism in California, Gavin Newsom has purchased ads in red states encouraging women to travel to California to kill their babies. As part of the campaign, he has also taken to…