Worldviews

RIPON, CA — When an abrupt knock at the door interrupted his Raiders game, local man Joe Castaneda almost overturned his bowl of tortilla chips. Taking the long way to the door to buy time, Castaneda started wracking his brain for any…

PORTLAND, OR—Abortion activists are criticizing the pro-life movement for caring nothing about the health and care of babies after they've been born, and they are expressing their extreme displeasure by destroying free pregnancy resource…

HADES—Ever since hearing the news of President Biden creating a 'Disinformation Governance Board', George Orwell has been really kicking himself for not thinking of it first. "He nailed it, absolutely nailed it," said a dejected Mr.…

SPRINGFIELD, MA—According to sources, Merriam-Webster quietly updated its definition of the word "Freedom" to match its definition of "Slavery," which the prestigious dictionary claims is more in line with modern use. Freedom was…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Eyewitnesses claim to have seen white smoke emerge from the roof of the carbon-neutral office building of Twitter, Inc., signaling the rare occurrence of employees burning documents in preparation for their new CEO, Elon…

ORLANDO, FL—According to sources reporting from Disney World, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was seen crying outside the entrance in an expensive, designer dress with the words "GROOM THE KIDS" emblazoned across the fabric.…

U.S.—Progressives have announced that men can, in fact, get pregnant, opening the door for men to have opinions on abortion as well. Across the country, men for the first time ever are now experiencing what it’s like to be able to form…

SACRAMENTO, CA—The California Department of Education has rejected 100% of biology textbooks from the state's public school curriculum because they perpetuate outdated backward ideas that there are only two genders, said Governor Gavin…

HOUSTON, TX—Local man and father of a 5-year-old trans pterodactyl Bradley Mingastank is struggling to find the medical care his young dinosaur son needs, as it is very difficult to find species-affirming care in the United States.…

MALIBU, CA—Organizers of the Transgender Day Of Visibility unveiled an updated pride flag this week at a ceremony in Malibu. After running out of colors in the visible light spectrum, the new pride flag features colors that are only visible…