SANTEE, CA—In a move designed to teach proper baptistic theology and provide a valuable service to the community, Santee Lakes Baptist Church opened its Total Immersion Car Wash this week to great fanfare.
The full-service car wash is the first in the nation to offer full immersion services, an innovative new technology that dunks your entire car underwater for several minutes.
“We make sure your car gets dunked all the way—not just a namby-pamby little spray like the Catholics or Presbys,” said Pastor George Martinez. “If every single part of the vehicle isn’t submerged, it’s an invalid car wash, just like the Bible says.”
Car wash workers ask the car a few questions to ensure it’s ready for the big step, then they get in the driver’s seat and floor it right into the patented Vehicular Baptistry™, before a crane pulls it out, “raising it to new life.”
Pastor Martinez acknowledged the method has its drawbacks.
“You might want to get your engine looked at afterward, but you’ll have to go down to the Presbyterian mechanic down the road. He does a full 5-point inspection of your car, best in the business,” he added, but cautioned that the man only sprinkles your car with water to clean it up a bit.
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