GARY, IN—Local teenager Mark Carson was inundated with a flood of marriage proposals after he casually whipped out his guitar after youth group Sunday afternoon, sources at Cataclysm Youth Collective confirmed.
The boy pulled out his $99 Squier acoustic and played a few bars of “Reckless Love,” causing no less than 17 girls to immediately stop what they were doing and make a lucrative marriage offer.
While the majority of the offers he received were simple proposals, several more motivated girls offered valuable dowries. Stacy Pendleton’s father even reportedly put a sizable tract of land and several dozen livestock on the table.
“I’m going to work through the offers and see what I want to do,” Carson told reporters. “I really want to guard my heart and make sure I don’t give it away too soon. Linda’s pretty cool. I heard she plays video games. So she’s probably first in line. But I dunno. Jennifer is a real Proverbs 31 hottie.”
The number of marriage offers that Carson received doubled after he played a shaky B minor chord, sources confirmed at publishing time.
Jesus Christ is King
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