Kid Enjoys Relaxing Sunday Afternoon Waiting For Parents To Finish After-Church Small Talk

SIOUX CITY, IA—Local boy Jacob Bender reported yesterday that he was enjoying a relaxing Sunday afternoon standing by his family’s car waiting for his parents to finish their after-church small talk.

“Every Sunday, I love taking some time to just enjoy the peaceful sights and sounds of the church parking lot as I stand here by the car for three or four hours,” he told reporters. “It is the highlight of my week. Other families might be eating lunch, or perhaps dinner, already. Other kids are probably already home playing the latest Fortnite season. But not I. No, for my part, I love taking Lord’s Day to just slow down a little and wait here in agony as mom and dad chit-chat.”

Two hours into his ordeal, Bender perked up as his parents appeared to head toward the car, but it turned out to be a false alarm. “Looks like Mrs. Rutherford got to them. She always knows when they’re getting ready to leave,” he said. “They’ll talk for a good 30 or 40 minutes. But that’s alright—it just gives me more time to appreciate the little things in life as I stand here in excruciating boredom.”

At publishing time, the boy was still waiting.