MOBILE, AL—New LifeWay Christian Stores employee Aimee Bryer was tasked with rotating out last week’s prophetic books and replacing them with a fresh, just-off-the-truck shipment, sources confirmed Friday.
“You see how this one claims President Obama is the antichrist? That’s how you know it’s expired,” store manager Traci Mann was overheard telling the newly hired retail clerk as she tossed the book into a garbage can. “Oh wow, this one with Saddam Hussein on the cover has been rotting here behind the others for years. Definitely a tosser.”
“See here, this one was published just last month and identifies President Trump as one of the two witnesses in the book of Revelation. Sure, it’s a little old, but we can rotate it up to the front and hopefully sell it before it goes bad in a week or two,” she added.
Combing through the store’s sprawling prophetic book section, the clerk then carefully checked each book for signs of rot and decay, pulled books that didn’t make the cut, and replaced them with just-printed books on the cutting edge of Bible prophecy.
“We at LifeWay want to make sure we’re only ever selling you fresh, wholesome prophecy. That’s why we train our new employees to look for signs of expired prophetic books and put out piping hot prophecy each morning,” the manager told reporters.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed the bookstore employee had tossed every John Hagee book the store had, only to replace them with “at least” a dozen more fresh off the truck.
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