Angels To Pay Joseph Gordon-Levitt $430 Million To Stand In Dugout And Flap His Arms Like An Angel For Next 12 Years

ANAHEIM, CA—The Los Angeles Angels, who are located in Anaheim and not Los Angeles, have agreed to pay actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt $430 million for the next twelve years.

As part of the contract, Gordon-Levitt will don an Angels uniform, stand in the dugout, and flap his arms whenever the Angels need a miracle, which should occur just about anytime the team needs to turn to the bullpen for help or end up facing a decent team in the postseason.

“This is our secret weapon,” a spokesperson for the Angels’ front office said. “Forget getting good players or worrying about building a bullpen that’s worth anything when we’re in a pinch. We’ll just call on Gordon-Levitt to wave his arms around like a madman.”

Sports analysts all agreed getting Gordon-Levitt on the record-high extension contract was the right move, recalling the season in the 1990s when Gordon-Levitt–then a child–assisted the team to clinch the pennant in a tense game against the Chicago White Sox.

After agreeing to the massive contract for Gordon-Levitt, the Angels were sadly forced to release Mike Trout.